'MacGruber' Movie Quotes

'MacGruber' is a feature-length film based on the 'Saturday Night Live' sketches parodying the classic sitcom 'MacGyver' from the 1980s. Starring many 'SNL' stars and alumni, the storyline focuses on a war hero who has been living in South America for the past 10 years after his wife was killed on their wedding day. When a nuclear bomb is stolen by his arch-nemesis, the American government asks him to lead the mission to destroy it. MacGruber (Will Forte) assembles his elite team with Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) and Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillipe) to fight Dieter von Cunth (Val Kilmer) and his mercenaries.
Here are a collection of the best and funniest quotes from the 'MacGruber' movie.

'MacGruber' is a feature-length film based on the 'Saturday Night Live' sketches parodying the classic sitcom 'MacGyver' from the 1980s. Starring many 'SNL' stars and alumni, the storyline focuses on a war hero who has been living in South America for the past 10 years after his wife was killed on their wedding day. When a nuclear bomb is stolen by his arch-nemesis, the American government asks him to lead the mission to destroy it. MacGruber (Will Forte) assembles his elite team with Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) and Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillippe) to fight Dieter von Cunth (Val Kilmer) and his mercenaries.
Here are a collection of the best and funniest quotes from the 'MacGruber' movie.

Vicki: "Screw you, Cunth!"
Cunth: "Is that an invitation?"
Vicki: "Eww...no."

Tank: "Ahh penis jokes."
MacGruber: "I love sayin' 'em."
Tank: "I love hearin' 'em."
MacGruber: "That's why I say them."
Tank: "That's why I listen."

MacGruber: "I just left an upper-decker in the master bathroom."
Vicki: "What's an upper-decker?"
MacGruber: "Its where you take a shit in the water tank instead of the bowl. Ah, you look lovely."
Cunth: "Thanks for the upper-decker you left me, MacGruber."

Piper: "How did you know I was wearing a bullet-proof vest?"
MacGruber: "You're wearing a bullet-proof vest?!"

Piper: "No way! You just used me as a human shield!"
MacGruber: "You're taking that out of context. I did not use you as a human shield."
Vicki: "Ya kinda did."

MacGruber: "Claaaassic MacGruber..."

Vicki: "I..I peed my jeans."

MacGruber: "Don't worry this is just like Nicaragua."
Vicki: "I got shot in Nicaragua!"
MacGruber: "This is nothing like NIcaragua."

MacGruber: "Don't worry, we're only 7 blocks away, so if anything goes down...."
Vicki: "7 blocks???"
MacGruber: "Okay, you got me on that one. 20 blocks."
Vicki: "There wasn't anything closer?!"
MacGruber: "Nope."
Piper: "There were tons of spots closer."
MacGruber: "Yeah, WITH METERS!"

Vicki: "I'm a virgin."
MacGruber: "Not for long."

MacGruber [during sex with Vicki]: "I'm gonna fill you up."
Vicki: "Yeah, I'm gonna fill you up. I'm gonna fill you up!"
MacGruber: "What? No. Let me do the talking."

MacGruber: "You're companion is a very beautiful young woman."
Cunth: "Thank you."
MacGruber: "I hope you enjoy being date raped, ma'am."
Cunth: "This is my daughter."

MacGruber: "If ripping throats gets that warhead back, I'll suck as many d**ks as I've go--I'll rip as many throats as I have to!"

Piper: "But why would he want to kill your wife?"
MacGruber: "I have no idea. We actually all went to college together..."


Are movie audiences ready for MacGruber? Watch the trailer and see for yourself.


Related: Best MacGruber 'SNL' Skits | SNL Sketches That Should Have Been Movies